What to do when your Ex doesn’t want to see the Children after a Divorce

In most divorces where divorcing couples have children, they fight to be able to see them as much as possible. It can be hard to share them but that is what has to be done in order for everyone to win. A plan is made and approved as far as parenting time and the children are encouraged so that they can adjust to it. Yet not everyone wants to have a role in the lives of their children after a divorce.

As difficult as this may be to understand it is the truth. There are many reasons why one parent may want to have anything to do with their children after a divorce. They may feel that it is their family holding them back so they want to start all over on their own. Others have too many personal issues to take care of anyone but themselves right then. That has to be respected even though it can be difficult.

In other instances, the parent who leaves doesn’t feel like it will be in the best interest of the children to be with them. They want what is best for them and they feel that is with the other parent. Some people have the misconception that it is only men who walk away from their children. Yet many women choose to do it as well.

Sadly, another scenario is that the parent is going to be with someone else. Their new partner may not be ready for a family or want children around at all. It is scary to think a person would choose a lover over their flesh and blood but it does happen. All of these scenarios do ensure the children are with someone who does want them though and that is the positive side of the issue.

Children can be severely affected by this type of scenario. They can definitely blame themselves for their parent removing themselves from their lives. Sometimes they will blame the parent they are with too for running them off. This is a discussion you need to have with your children. You can decide how honest you want to be with them about it.

While you don’t want to be making excuses for the parent, you don’t want to damage your child’s self esteem either. It is better to say that they are consumed right now with getting their own life on track than to say they don’t want to be with you because their new girlfriend or boyfriend doesn’t like them.

It can be difficult when your ex doesn’t want to see the children after a divorce. You can choose to find out why if you desire. Some people are happy with the arrangement and so they don’t pursue it. They may still be paying child support even though they don’t take an active role in the life of the children.

Keep in mind how you handle the situation is gong to affect your children. Make sure they understand that it isn’t their fault their parent doesn’t want to see them at this time. While it isn’t fair that this responsibility falls on your shoulders you need to take care of it for the sake of your children. They can choose to attempt to work out a relationship with their absent parent when they are an adult if they want to pursue it.

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To Save Your Relationship; The Only Person You Can Change Is You

Most relationships that encounter problems seem to focus on the “who is to blame” element. This is not only destructive but is also an action that usually leads to more problems than solutions.

Have A Look

Being the “bigger” person within the equation, would allow the individual to take on the responsibility of acknowledging some change is needed, and that the change should ideally start with the individual itself. Being prepared to accept that some of the fault does indeed lie at the individual’s “feet” is a set in the right direction.

Taking the time and effort to explore the various reasons and actions that had a part in contributing to the current negativity of the relationship will help the individual realize that there is really no benefit in placing the blame on everyone and anyone else.

Successful recovery of a damaged relationship will be off to a good start when each person involved is willing to change for the better. This should be the main focus of the exercise as changing for the better will always be a more beneficial exercise that will eventually become so normal that the individual will no longer look upon such an exercise as something forced or unfair.

The positive changes will also help the individual become a better person, thus making the overall situation more pleasant and easy to improve upon. It is also almost always easier to change oneself rather than trying to change the other party in the relationship. Changing oneself does not require the constant maneuvering of another person’s physical and mental control.

Concentrating on being a better person and a more loving and caring partner will also encourage the other party to respond in an equally positive manner thus successfully allowing the relationship to improve for the better.

Places To Get Free Counseling

Marriage is hard work and anyone who says otherwise is not really committed to making it for the long haul. Along with the hard work there are also times of great joy and fulfillment, but when this is not forthcoming for quite a while, then, it is time to seek some outside help. This help ideally should come in the form of marriage counseling.

The following are some places that one should explore for the purpose of seeking outside help to try and save or create a better and stronger marriage relationship:

Where To Go

Reading as much as possible on the subject would be helpful. When there are problems published that are similar to the ones the individual is going through the general experience and outcome could be applied or at least tried. Sometimes it would be helpful to know that there are others that have gone through the same situation and that it is possible to overcome it successfully.

Seeking counseling from a priest is also another option for those who are more religiously inclined. This is helpful only if both parties are open and willing to explore options that are closely linked to the religious angle or take on things. This is also a very helpful option, if both parties are known to the priest taking on the counseling session, as it would give all concerned a better and clearly take on the whole situation.

For some joining a support group would be a more suitable match, as they would prefer to hear several different views on the matter and also for its non threatening and non judgmental base. Being in a group will allow both parties to be able to hear several different types or suggestions and opinions that may prove to be helpful and practical.

Marriage Counseling Basics

It is often difficult to try and save the marriage when both parties feel they are hitting a brick wall with their perceived attempts to being reasonable. The marriage counselor is usually an individual who is not interested in taking side but more interested in getting to the root of the problem and finding a workable solution to get the marriage back on the right track.

These people are usually specifically trained to help any and all situations that are created within the marriage that has gone badly wrong. Couple seeking the help of a marriage counselor, will usually come away quite surprised, at what they learn from the sessions.

In almost all cases, miscommunication and misinterpretation are the main culprits of the discord experienced within the marriage.

The Basics

The marriage counselor will be able to help the couple see things in a different light and then outline ways to help create a more conducive and workable situation where both parties can participate positively towards mending the relationship.

In helping the couple identify the problem both honestly and clearly, the counselor will then be able to get both parties to work on some exercises that will help them to understand each other better, thus allowing the couple to better face the problem head on when the appropriate time presents itself.

Attending marriage counseling session would also help the couple be more open as the counselor will certainly ask very probing question and will not allow either party to be evasive in their answers.This level of honestly is sometimes not forthcoming within the confines of the marriage.

Make A List Of Your Goals For Your Marriage

Although it may seem ideal to simply drift along through the marriage, it would help to create a stronger marriage bond if both parties work out some goals they can participate in achieving

The Goals

The goal setting exercise is important as it helps both parties strengthen their relationship by focusing on a common goal. It also helps to improve communication and creates the desire to help each other in a more conducive manner so that the goals set can be achieved without undue pressure.

The goals also help to validate each other’s contributions to the relationship and also keep both parties accountable and committed. Part of the goal setting process would require both parties to verbalize their dreams and aspirations for the relationship, thus giving each other a clear insight into the workings of their individual mindsets.

Creating a list individually and then taking the time to sit down together to try and collaborate in forming a new list that will serve each party’s needs comfortably, would be the ideal way to go about the whole exercise of setting goals.
Once this is done, both parties would then have to decide on some sort of time line that would be suitable and realistic in moving towards achieving the goals set.

This would include having to evaluate and re-evaluate certain values and mindset in order to make the goals set achievable. This time of sharing aspirations can be very enjoyable and enlightening if both parties maintain some level of intimacy and cordiality. Being accusational and demanding will not help the exercise of goal setting for the marriage. The act of sharing goals can often bring a couple closer together and also keep them more focused on each other throughout the exercise.